New lessons from the Lord

These few weeks, I have spent most of my time in bed and to the bathroom and it had been tough not to be able to do more.  Life seemed so dismal.  My elder son hurt his back while massaging mine and my youngest one rubbed me the wrong way that I gave up and instead, used non-stop showers to move the morphine faster when it hurt.  After a couple of days, I thought about it and changed course.  I am going to stay as alert as I could by not flushing the morphine around.  This week, I started walking to the dining room for my meals finally and my husband is relieved.  It is rough to have the whole family to expect you to die and keep telling you not to overstretch yourself every day.  Without hope, one could not go on for long.

During this week, the Lord also opened my eyes to a few things.  I’ve been snapping at my husband to be fair to the boys and one night, when my heart seemed like failing and I was ready to go, I felt fear.  This was the first time I feared and wondered why.  Then I remembered.

1 John 4:18

There is no in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Especially when you are dying, you need that love, or you die in fear.

The next evening, my husband was snapping at the oldest son and before I knew it, I was snapping at my youngest son.  I felt so bad that I had to go and apologize to him. The next morning, the Lord reminded me that even as we die, we have to die as Christian.  I told the Lord I’m the one who is dying and I still have to be good? Yes, we cannot be snapping Christians even as we die.  I then realize how God must have felt when He sent His only Son to earth and every one tried to kill him, and yet Jesus Christ was kind to us.

Then it reminded me when my mom in Hong Kong said two of our nieces are not going to have kids because they don’t have the time.  One is raising a dog and the other just want to work.  Then I realized how much importance our heavenly Father tried to show us that as a parent, we want to dote on our children.  You have to have that parent/child relationship to understand how to pass on this love of Jesus Christ to others.  So if you plan to be childless, go to some charity outfit or adopt a cousin and learn to love and give.  Read 1 Peter1: 14-19.

Thank you to all who left messages and prayers, again.  I appreciate them.

 

In A Fog

I’ve been on a roller coaster ride these last two weeks. Back attack, constipation, then more massive back attack that required my family to carry me to the bathroom.  On Labor Day weekend, my daughter and her boyfriend drove from Davis to visit and I prayed so hard that God will give me a miracle for the walking portion so that I wouldn’t freak her out too much.  Then it happened on Saturday night.  On Sunday morning and thereafter, I could start walking again. Praise the Lord.  Just in time to give my daughter hope that her mom is not spiraling downwards.

Then a few days ago, hospice sent a professional massage therapist over to work on my back and I caught a nasty cold, threw up, felt loopy most of the time, the body not feeling my own.  The following night, the back pain came back with a vengeance, and now even the front ribs for some reason.  So after these many months of thinking that it’s muscle spasms only, I now know it’s probably deeper that topical ointment or bandages won’t be able to fix.

Since then I have finally succumbed to taking liquid morphine every 2-3  hours. I feel loopy most of the time but I will figure this out and get maximum mileage out of the drug and the time I have.  As you all know, I have been trying to stay away from morphine all this time because I was worried that I couldn’t hear the Lord with a barrier of medication, and that morning before the nurse came, I cried and cried and cried buckets but He gave me permission to take it.  I could still hear Him and talk to Him and when I have 25 mins of clear headedness within the 2-3 hours, I read the Word or draw.  I continue to thank Him.  I thank Him for morphine, and I thank Him for keeping the channel open.  At least now, I am pain free.

And not only that, the Lord continues to peel layers and layers of unfinished business and inadequacies that I have.  This is a very special time with my family, as I am bed ridden and they look after me around the clock when they are not at school.  I even got a new wardrobe of sleepwear because that’s what I am wearing most of the time and when I leave it to the boys to do the laundry, I need more than 2 change of clothes.  I feel so spoiled with 7 pairs of sleepwear and more to come from my shopping-happy husband.  On the bright side, I am finishing at least 2-3 drawings everyday, zen doodle style.  Too bad I don’t have the energy to upload them anymore.  I could make it to the dining room and back and that’s it for now.  One of these days, I’ll go farther.  I have not given up hope that Abba is going to heal me in the end.

I Will Follow Him

The longest week has just passed.  For a couple times I thought I was ready to go home to the Lord as my body slowed and I only wanted to sleep but my friend, Sharon, called and said I had to go to the doctor.  She had prayed for me for an hour and God gave her a vision that I had to get something out of my body.  Having walked from cancer treatment, the doctor is the last thing I think about these days.  But even the clinic said fainting, dizzyness and chest pains are beyond the scope of the clinic and I should head right over to ER at 5 pm that night.  And so I did.  This time, my middle son drove me.  I am no longer alone.  And there, they found fluid build up around the heart drowning it, suppressing healthy heartbeats.  More of that, it would stop the beat altogehter.  I didn’t even tell my husband who was away in Washington for 3 weeks when I undertook the procedure, perio cardiocentisis, where they took 1 liter of fluid out at the operating table and 750 ml the next day.  The next day, they cut a perio cardio window to drain the liquid to the tummy.  All this time, I hid it from my husband when he finished his work up there.  I only did it so he would not find me dead when he came back and I bought some time for us and not leave the kids stranded so to say.  He rushed home when the doctor called him.

One week later, I am finally out of the hospital, the last night being the hardest.  I didn’t know if I was going to make it.  Then when I signed on for hospice, I didn’t realize how affected I get with all the equipment, the hospital bed, the wheelchair, commode, walker cast a negativity on me.  I couldn’t sleep into the PVC heavy smelling bed and I kept having spiritual attack every night that I could sleep only 10 mins at most every 3 or 4 hours.  I felt I was dying even faster at home.  Then we finally raked up my old daughter’s bed in the living room to hold over until that hospice bed gets hauled away.

Hospice has great service and concept but it is the last resort.  They don’t expect someone like me wanting rehabilitation and resistance to slip further.  I’m fighting every inch of the way, every second for my family because they are just not ready for me to leave.  I asked the Lord what does He want me to do at the marsh.  I told him I’m just a simple girl and He has to make it simple for me to understand.  It’s so hard.  He said, “Nothing.  Just coast from now onwards.  It’s extra time for you and your family.  Just enjoy time when you are ready to come home.”  I cried and complained and I wanted to be able to eat too, simple things like sushi, rice with pork chop, oriental buffet or Indian buffet.  I want to eat with my family.  He didn’t answer me directly but this morning after telling my episode to a regular of the marsh trail and a neighbor, the Lord suddenly lifted the excruciating pain on my back that plagued me for two nights.  Now I just need to wait for recovery.

Not only have I walked away from all cancer drugs, I’m walking away from any morphine, painkillers or heart medicine to stabilize the heart.  The Lord made my heart and my body.  He has so much power He just needed to touch me to regulate it.  I don’t need medicine.  If it fails, it fails and I get to go home.  This is the testimony I have for all of you readers.  If you truly believe in the power of Jesus Christ, trust Him all the way.  There’s no other way.

Throughout all this, I have to thank all the people who pray for me.  Two churches are joining hands up here to pray for me, entire churches.  All the Herald Cancer Care Chinese group in the Bay Area, a lot of my online friends, and a lot of my nieces’ Christian congregation in Hong Kong.  And a caring family who looks after me every second and all the cancer support group friends who come visit.  There is so much love around me. How could I give up so easily.

Not so long ago, I watched Sister Act movies again and delight in the original.  The rendition of this song, I Will Follow Him, is so appropriate, so lively.  It speaks of my heart for God.

One night the Lord gave me a message at home.  He said that just like my body needs every part to be well enough before it could make progress and improve, the body of Christ needs to have every segment within its body to be in total unison on its mission, goal, before anything could happen to that church, before it could move forward.  I delivered the message to three churches that I visit.  The Lord continues to open my mind to His lessons daily.

As of writing, I am ambulatory.  I can’t walk more than two mail boxes away and had to sit and rest but I could shower, do the dishes, the wash very slowly and carefully.  It felt like a throw back to 19 months ago when cancer struck but this time, I have the Lord with me everyday, and a community and family of love I never imagined I would have.  That is the blessing in itself.

By the grace of God, I am still alive.  Every day is a miracle. And I won’t stop sharing His word and my testimony, nor will I stop laying hands on people and pray for them.  The Lord has trained me well and in the last couple of weeks, shown me signs and wonders.  When He moves, it is incredible.  People’s financial situaltion improves and health gets restored.  I’m ruined for life.  Having seen Him working the supernatural and divine healing through me, I’m ruined.  I can’t settle for a normal life.  I Will Follow Him!!

 

[Book Review] Kathryn Kuhlman by Benny Hinn

This is a thin book that has Benny Hinn as author but most of the book are excerpts of Kathryn Kuhlman’s ministry from Kuhlman’s own books. Benny Hinn did write about his own experience in Toronto when he attended Kuhlman’s ministry healing service for the first time but that portion is also found in Benny Hinn’s Good Morning, Holy Spirit.   In this book though, Benny Hinn clarified that he had never met Kathryn Kuhlman in private and therefore, his anointing was not directly from her.  Nevertheless, he was very affected by Kuhlman’s personal knowledge and reliance of the Holy Spirit and that was how he too started once he started inviting the Holy Spirit to guide his life.

[Book Review] Divine Healing Made Simple by Praying Medic

Praying Medic is an EMT who transports patients in ambulances in the Pacific Northwest and he has been anointed by God to heal people when he prays.  He wrote this book to share his journey along with other testimonies from other healers he met over this time as his website popularity grew.  An absolutely amazing book!!

“Divine Healing Made Simple: Simplifying the supernatural to make healing and miracles a part of your everyday life” starts with how God showed him through visions and dreams how to pray for patients.  Because of his medical knowledge, God pinpointed on the areas to pray for. Absolutely mind-boggling to know that God is so precise!! I love his testimony of how his first 6 months, no one got healed but once he changed the way he prayed, the success rate increases and now around 80% of those he prays for gets healed.

His books deals with faith, why God heals some and why not others, format of praying and the most exciting of all chapters, spiritual warfare.  Demons aka spirits are real in some diseases/ailments. He also fleshed out the dreams that God gave him and interpreted them and I could not get over the last dream he has of the future of divine healing.  It’s going to go mainstream one day!  Go buy this book!  Everyone needs to know there is another option other than man-made medicine!!!

Incredible testimonies of healing

This is such a powerful testimony of Nate posted in the Praying Medic website.  He was 25 when he was given 6 months to live from terminal cancer.  I would encourage everyone to watch this video whether you have arthritis, back pain, MS or any ailments.

This is how I feel when I could jog 2 rounds at marsh for an hour without coughing or losing breath.  I want to scream and scream to anyone who wants to hear how God could heal. Watch this lady healed of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis just through love.