My Son’s Security Blanket

Just before I slipped into poor health before being admitted to  the hospital, for some reason, I felt my time was limited and had to make the security blanket I promised my youngest son all these years.  So in one week, I finished this.  Not bad for a week effort.

I Will Follow Him

The longest week has just passed.  For a couple times I thought I was ready to go home to the Lord as my body slowed and I only wanted to sleep but my friend, Sharon, called and said I had to go to the doctor.  She had prayed for me for an hour and God gave her a vision that I had to get something out of my body.  Having walked from cancer treatment, the doctor is the last thing I think about these days.  But even the clinic said fainting, dizzyness and chest pains are beyond the scope of the clinic and I should head right over to ER at 5 pm that night.  And so I did.  This time, my middle son drove me.  I am no longer alone.  And there, they found fluid build up around the heart drowning it, suppressing healthy heartbeats.  More of that, it would stop the beat altogehter.  I didn’t even tell my husband who was away in Washington for 3 weeks when I undertook the procedure, perio cardiocentisis, where they took 1 liter of fluid out at the operating table and 750 ml the next day.  The next day, they cut a perio cardio window to drain the liquid to the tummy.  All this time, I hid it from my husband when he finished his work up there.  I only did it so he would not find me dead when he came back and I bought some time for us and not leave the kids stranded so to say.  He rushed home when the doctor called him.

One week later, I am finally out of the hospital, the last night being the hardest.  I didn’t know if I was going to make it.  Then when I signed on for hospice, I didn’t realize how affected I get with all the equipment, the hospital bed, the wheelchair, commode, walker cast a negativity on me.  I couldn’t sleep into the PVC heavy smelling bed and I kept having spiritual attack every night that I could sleep only 10 mins at most every 3 or 4 hours.  I felt I was dying even faster at home.  Then we finally raked up my old daughter’s bed in the living room to hold over until that hospice bed gets hauled away.

Hospice has great service and concept but it is the last resort.  They don’t expect someone like me wanting rehabilitation and resistance to slip further.  I’m fighting every inch of the way, every second for my family because they are just not ready for me to leave.  I asked the Lord what does He want me to do at the marsh.  I told him I’m just a simple girl and He has to make it simple for me to understand.  It’s so hard.  He said, “Nothing.  Just coast from now onwards.  It’s extra time for you and your family.  Just enjoy time when you are ready to come home.”  I cried and complained and I wanted to be able to eat too, simple things like sushi, rice with pork chop, oriental buffet or Indian buffet.  I want to eat with my family.  He didn’t answer me directly but this morning after telling my episode to a regular of the marsh trail and a neighbor, the Lord suddenly lifted the excruciating pain on my back that plagued me for two nights.  Now I just need to wait for recovery.

Not only have I walked away from all cancer drugs, I’m walking away from any morphine, painkillers or heart medicine to stabilize the heart.  The Lord made my heart and my body.  He has so much power He just needed to touch me to regulate it.  I don’t need medicine.  If it fails, it fails and I get to go home.  This is the testimony I have for all of you readers.  If you truly believe in the power of Jesus Christ, trust Him all the way.  There’s no other way.

Throughout all this, I have to thank all the people who pray for me.  Two churches are joining hands up here to pray for me, entire churches.  All the Herald Cancer Care Chinese group in the Bay Area, a lot of my online friends, and a lot of my nieces’ Christian congregation in Hong Kong.  And a caring family who looks after me every second and all the cancer support group friends who come visit.  There is so much love around me. How could I give up so easily.

Not so long ago, I watched Sister Act movies again and delight in the original.  The rendition of this song, I Will Follow Him, is so appropriate, so lively.  It speaks of my heart for God.

One night the Lord gave me a message at home.  He said that just like my body needs every part to be well enough before it could make progress and improve, the body of Christ needs to have every segment within its body to be in total unison on its mission, goal, before anything could happen to that church, before it could move forward.  I delivered the message to three churches that I visit.  The Lord continues to open my mind to His lessons daily.

As of writing, I am ambulatory.  I can’t walk more than two mail boxes away and had to sit and rest but I could shower, do the dishes, the wash very slowly and carefully.  It felt like a throw back to 19 months ago when cancer struck but this time, I have the Lord with me everyday, and a community and family of love I never imagined I would have.  That is the blessing in itself.

By the grace of God, I am still alive.  Every day is a miracle. And I won’t stop sharing His word and my testimony, nor will I stop laying hands on people and pray for them.  The Lord has trained me well and in the last couple of weeks, shown me signs and wonders.  When He moves, it is incredible.  People’s financial situaltion improves and health gets restored.  I’m ruined for life.  Having seen Him working the supernatural and divine healing through me, I’m ruined.  I can’t settle for a normal life.  I Will Follow Him!!